The pain of rejection is as intense as a physical pain, MRI studies show. So, your friend’s hurt, after being rejected by his peers ; and you don’t want to see him “sink”. Here are 5 ways you can help him cope with rejection.
1- First, listen to him
Generally, a person who feels the pain of rejection needs someone who can listen to her. And your friend [suffering from rejection] is no exception. Have you wondered why people go to the psychotherapist? I believe the principal reason why people go to the psychotherapist is because they think the psychotherapist will listen to them when they are at a moment of in life they need to talk, not because they have money to “throw”.
At this point, you might be tempted to consider the capacity to listen to another as “natural”. But, listening, I mean really listening to your friend, can be more demanding than you may think in the first place.
So before you go head-on into it, here are very important things to have into consideration:
- First of all, you should take time to listen [to your friend], not because he wants to, but because you care [about him].
- Listening quietly to your friend while he talks out his hurt feelings, without judging or criticizing him, is a proof of your own personal maturity.
- Listening to your friend is a primary way to help your friend who’s been rebuffed soothe the pain of rejection, thereby a key step towards [his] recovery.
- Last but not the least: don’t rush your friend into talking about it if he’s not ready [yet] to do so. But rather create a friendly environment, that would invite him to share his hurt feelings as quickly as possible.
Wade Wilson / Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) didn’t understand this until it was almost too late to revert things to normal.
Let your friend know you’re available if he feels like talking about how his fellow workers ostracized him.
2- Show him empathy
Being empathic is showing your ability to understand and share the feelings of another — in this case your friend feeling spurned. And this reason why showing empathy is key in helping your dearest one recover from the suffering of rejection. But don’t forget, it all starts with listen first [to the one that’s been hurt].
On the other hand, belittling the pain of the other through scornful remarks or a plain lack of concern would only get your friend to curl up, worsening then his emotional and psychological condition.
We, human beings are social beings by nature. The need to be part of a community or group where we belong is vital for our development, on every aspect. Whether we’re in kindergaten, on campus, working at a top firm, or attending a social gathering … to fit in is a necessity. And it is precisely that need to belong rejection comes to rip the person off. Hence the [huge] pain.
Does that pain of rejection happen after a breakup? A layoff? No matter the event, rejection is damaging as it affects one’s self-confidence, temporarily lowers the IQ, just to name a few.
Showing empathy, therefore, is not an option if you are to envision for your friend a [happy] exit anytime soon.
3- Lift him up through positive words
In a recent post, I shared how you become a superhero through giving. And one of the superpowers you’ve got in your quiver — when you give [unto others] — is to do for them what they can’t do for themselves at a particular moment in their life.
Generally, a person suffering from rejection would have this tendency to talk herself down, as a result of self-reproach. As if, for instance, her dad left her because “it’s all her fault” or he got fired because he “wasn’t competent enough” to please his boss and keep his job.
Finding yourself caught up in the middle of this negative spiral can be very challenging for the person inside. At this time, a hand reaching out to the one suffering from rejection could be of a great help.
If your friend who’s been laid off happens to be your colleague, and you know he’s competent, tell him all the good you think about him. Stuffs like:
“It’s true you’ve lost your job, but I know pretty soon, you’ll be able to get back into business ; because you’re one of the most dedicated and hardworking guy I’ve had the chance to work with”
or “Despite what just happened, I believe it’s going to be alright, ’cause you’ve got what it takes to land a new and even a better job” are positive and powerful words to help him start getting himself together. Give himself credit for what he has achieved so far and help him remember all those times he did something he was proud of.
Your words can be this powerful, so use them in a right and constructive way to uplift a hurt friend and help him heal.
4- Help him see there’s more
Another thing that’s common after we’ve been rejected, is to think our world just stopped there. It can be true the event may have — in some way slowed us down — but it’s not the end … of everything.
Sometimes, it happens people become changing, inconstant in their relation with others, for any reason. As a result, their reactions, words, could be very unpredictable, out of proportions, hurting thereby the person next to them. And because of that volatility, resilience is needed to overcome those “fiery darts” and live a happy and successful life, no matter what may come your way.
Ironically, better things come to us after we triumph over a “stormy weather”. In my case, I met with my wife two years after an extremely painful breakup that got me struggling with bitterness and resentment for almost a year. Today, my wife and I are celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary with our 3-years old kid.
I’ve not been this happy before.
As a person willing to help, you have the capacity to make your friend who suffers from rejection see there’s [always] more, if only he can raise back up his head and look forward.
5- Encourage him to try again soon
The fear of further pain. This, is another trap people going through the pain of rejection easily end up in, if they’re not careful.
It might be tough to say, but let’s face it: rejection, beside the pain, [also] offer the opportunity to grow into a more emotionally mature person.
It’s ok to mourn a “missed opportunity”. But after a [relatively brief] period of mourning, go back and … give it a shot again.
Guy Winch says “Avoiding situations only makes us more fearful of them.” and adds “But that’s an impulse we have to fight.” So true.
For instance, a friendship that turns bad doesn’t mean “friendship” is worthless: friendship is a blessing and it’s totally worth the work. Here are key ingredients to friendships that stand the test of time. That’s why you must encourage your friend who’s suffering at the moment, to try again anytime soon.
If you have a loved one who got hurt after a rejection, reach out today and help him take action, heal and embrace life afresh.
About the movie
The storyline of Deadpool 2: Foul-mouthed mutant mercenary Wade Wilson (AKA. Deadpool), brings together a team of fellow mutant rogues to protect a young boy with supernatural abilities from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg, Cable.
Deadpool 2 scores a 83% at the Tomatometer, while receiving 85% at the Audience Score (Rottentomatoes.com).Below is the critics consensus:
“Though it threatens to buckle under the weight of its meta gags, Deadpool 2 is a gory, gleeful lampoon of the superhero genre buoyed by Ryan Reynolds’ undeniable charm.” — Rottentomatoes
- Directors: David Leitch (directed by)
- Writers: Rhett Reese (written by) & Paul Wernick (written by) & Ryan Reynolds (written by)
- Stars: Ryan Reynolds (Wade Wilson / Deadpool / voice of Juggernaut), Josh Brolin (Cable), Zazie Beetz (Domino), Julian Dennison (Firefist)
- Total lifetime grosses: $740,768,487 (worldwide) as of October 18, 2018
- 2 wins & 23 nominations.
Deadpool 2 is available in Blu-Ray & DVD format on Amazon Prime Video. PG+ Rated.